Yesterday was a bit crazy. Good and beautiful but crazy. The dose definitely packed more of a punch and I wasn't fully prepared for it. Now I've dived in and had a swim, I'm going to dry off for a spell and see where I prefer to be and if the endorphins from my swim stay with me a while, see if there is a noticeable difference with nothing in my system.
What I have realised throughout this process (and not just the last week, but the last few weeks) is that when I consciously acknowledge that I’ve been blocking and suppressing all kinds of feelings, actions and emotions to appear more normal, I’ve actually been cheating myself of the necessary processing to let go of all the pain and anger but also not permitting myself to feel and enjoy the joy and pleasure too.
What I've also missed and am increasingly rectifying is human connection. Not just my immediate family but I’m also welcoming interactions with strangers and passersby, dog walkers and neighbours. Feeling more that I'm part of a community, not shut away in a tower. Also instigating time with the people who fill me up; who I learn from, who I laugh with, who inspire me, those who don’t judge and take me as I am; a little bit neuro-spicy but with a massive heart and wholesome intentions. So now I'm setting myself up on adulting playdates. The feelers have gone out, and plans have been made. I’m not channelling all my energy flow and verbal volcano into one or two people, I’m widening my circle. Yesterday evening I had a highly entertaining giggle on my friend’s overgrown allotment where we did no digging or weeding at all, we just laughed solidly for an hour and put the world to rights. She’s got a lot going on in her life too and felt good to listen and share. This morning I’ve arranged a wild walk with a friend I'd love to see more, but like many of the people I choose to spend my time with, everyone is juggling something, so I'm happy to take the small windows of time we get together with open arms. I’m seeing my ride-or-die roomie this weekend for a long overdue catch-up. Maybe it's the summer holidays coming to an end or people catching waves of my new vibe, but now people are reaching out to me and I'm making the time for these connections. This is the gas mask I'm putting on myself first for a change, after a summer of doing things for others. I’ve got a big day of connection lined up for Saturday with a community of women who are all on paths to change their corner of the world, whilst also dancing their troubles away. Totally me. Some more al-fresco day-rave dancing the following weekend.
This month too, I’ve also got a pretty mega deadline looming as I prepare to launch the business I've been dreaming of for the last 4 years and finally had the courage to put it out there. It's a big, bold, beautiful brainchild that has sat with me and needed to see the light of day for a long time. It's coming and there’s still a lot of work to do. But it's exciting nonetheless. My dream is that it will open so many doors for opportunities to fund this Castello dream. So they can run side by side in harmony. It's a business I can run remotely, with a remote team, from anywhere in the world. Empowering people to make their dreams happen.. starting with mine.
Lastly, my scrolling habits of late have been greatly reduced due to time spent building, creating, writing, caring, networking, fixing, sorting and child-wrangling, but I did have a small window of thumbing through this morning which uncorked some gems. Be it algorithms, Big Brother tapping into my mind or just universally coincidental. I’ve stumbled across some inspiration and I'm pulling on those strings to see where they lead me. I’ve signed up for a few healing events, a sound bath, and an energy workshop. I’m back to saying YES to things that serve me and my purpose.