Why don't you make yourself a cuppa and let me tell you how all this started…

Ever had one of those moments in your life where it all flashes before you?

Ever have one of those moments in your life where it all flashes before you? Where what you see or experience either inspires something incredible or spurs on radical change? How do you know if you should listen to the ideas or ignore them? 

Well, you don't, obviously, but I’m a firm believer in intuition. Something in your gut tells you that you wouldn't have had that feeling unless something needed to be fulfilled, realised or be changed. It took me years of being bitterly unhappy (and bored) to realise these moments are actually a call to action. So now I listen, I take note, take stock and prioritise. They aren't all easy, some are painful even, but as long as the intentions are wholesome and kind, then they are worth it. Acting on intuition has made me the person I am today and given me hope where I had lost it. 

This one though is a big one. In fact so bloody big it's a mountain to climb rather than a hill to walk up, but deep down in my core I know I have to do it. There are risks, uncertainty but possibility of catastrophic failure but because I’ve seen the potential and possibility or a life-changing path to take, I am now 100% committed to doing what it takes to make it happen. By design, I surround myself with mentors and entrepreneurs who empower me, guide me to take action where needed and I’m now adding to this success squad by being coached, to map out this future and make it happen. It's a leap of faith. I’m designing the lifestyle of my dreams which also incorporates my passion and purpose, one step at a time. It's not greed based, it's not a materialistic desire, it's just a deep-rooted mission to help people whilst also securing a financial investment, even if its a slow-burner, for my children’s future and if it all goes tits up..? Well at least I tried. I’ll just have to start all over again and just fail better next time. But if all your eggs are in one basket, you do everything in your power to protect that basket. It's one of the biggest drivers. 

But why, you ask? Because this project just encapsulates everything I promised myself I would do in the deepest darkest moments of a brutal divorce. For myself, for my kids, for a lifelong adventure that would bring about a sustainable legacy for my kids, who I need to not only inspire but provide for financially. It gives me so many ticks in the boxes of my purpose to give courage and confidence to people coming out of trauma; with self-esteem issues, unfulfilled purpose, to allow people to grow in creativity, but most importantly the desire to educate people on self-care, self-worth, sustainability. For them to have a baggage-free sanctuary somewhere breathtaking and to unwind completely from the triggers of everyday life. And why do I think people need that? Because that's what I needed (and still need access to) to get me through my own trauma and I know I'm not alone. 

And where is all this going? Well, Italy. Tuscany to be precise. It all came from a brave moment when I finally secured a home for me to raise my kids in after a period of homelessness post-divorce. After I moved in, the house flooded. Boxes were ruined, the sofa was soaked, the ceiling had holes in it. You just can't make this shit up. I promised myself a seriously good break as soon as I possibly could to take stock of the new life I was setting out on alone. Not only to replenish the depletion of energy it took to fight in the battle of/for my life, but also to think about how I can move forward now and grow back to a whole person again from the shell I had become. 

It was all going beautifully to plan, time off secured, childcare in place, flights booked, until Covid halted all travel plans and any potential break dead in its tracks. I found myself grounded and trapped. The four-walls that had been my prize, my ultimate goal for the previous years of bitterness and sorrow, was now a prison, a torture cell, a place I needed to escape from. For two years! With no output, no support, things breaking left, right and centre. Including myself and the once close-nit bond I cherished with my kids. We all irritated each other. I had been so excited to have a house to make home. Free from all the toxicity we had been experiencing as a family of four before. Lockdown actually brought the worst out of all of us and generated more division than togetherness. I found that deeply upsetting. They didn't find it easy either. I thought I'd lost my mothering bond with my kids forever. We are still working on bringing that back now. 

I realised in order to be the best Mum I could be, some time for myself and personal space once in a while, was absolutely non-negotiable. I started to make some quiet time for myself to relax, but after a 5 year slog of single parenting, I also desperately needed to get a break for myself but wasn't sure how to swing it. It's never easy doing this alone, trying to keep a house ticking over whilst also working, but add in a highly-reliant, neurodiverse son and a hormonal pre-teen girl in the mix, and you might start scratching the tip of the iceberg.

Once the lockdowns eased, I decided to say YES to everything. Anything exciting, any adventure. Anything fun. As long as I could keep working and my kids were looked after. 

I got two little doses of freedom in the space of a month. First was an invitation to a gold-dust opportunity to hang out with my friends (and their band) in Ibiza for a really special milestone weekend. It just happened to coincide with a weekend my ex had the kids, so I had the time. The cost was minimal in comparison to what it could have been, given I had a flight voucher to use up. I would also be included in the guest lists for VIP treatment so I was in a very privileged position, how could I say no? Of course I had the time of my life, but that's for another story. 

The second came in quick succession to my little balearic break. I was invited to help a friend with some work at her place in Italy. It certainly wasn't a holiday, but more a business trip with a much needed change of scenery. I worked my ass off that week, but what it taught me was that it was possible to still keep up work commitments without being chained to your home office. But another nugget of gold fell in my lap that week too. The overhearing of conversation with huge potential. This beautiful and historic village had a borgo of historic buildings up for sale at very unimaginable prices. The landowner just didn't want the responsibility of maintaining them anymore and had sold most of the properties to a couple who live and run holiday lets and retreats in the village and their friends. All but one. The biggest and most prominent of the buildings. It was a monster of a house and so utterly striking that I couldn't help but let it pique my interest.

Earlier that year, realising my financial outcome, swimming around the same fishbowl routine of living hand-to-mouth was never going to change… unless I did something to fix it that is. I did a course in wealth building, where I learned to secure a future for myself. I either had to cut back on what already seemed like a frugal life, or find a way to invest anything I could get my hands on and multiply it. I had my sights on the latter option. It was a seed that I planted and was waiting for the rain to come..

The rain came in Italy. 

Yes, this building was in need of a lot of repairs, a new roof and replacing some floors in fact but in a few months time I would have the money I need to purchase it from a delayed payment from my grandmother's estate. Sure I could spend that money fixing up the rest of my partially finished home-renovations. But actually, I wanted to honour my financially-savvy grandmother, by investing this money into something I could grow. Something I could multiply. We’re not talking life changing money here, it wouldn't be enough to put even cover stamp-duty on a starter home in the UK, but conveniently, it could buy me a castle-sized house in Italy. Not only to renovate as a long term property investment, but it could also facilitate my dream of running a creative & wellness retreat centre, therefore also be a golden egg on both income but also purpose, converting it to a profitable business.

Sure, I'm going to need big-girl-pants to secure some initial bold investment, namely using my home, my only current basket of eggs, as security. But, if you speak to anyone about breaking fear barriers or taking risks, you always need to ask yourself “What is the absolute worst thing that could happen”? Once you can accept that answer, you can commit to it.  Obviously losing my home in my worst case scenario, but taking the biggest risk imaginable will force me to not fail. 

But, thankfully what happened next saved me as much as it did break me. The road, the one with all the bumps, suddenly became catastrophically unnavigable. I burnt out from the overwhelming stress of overworking and over-parenting, neither by choice, just because there was nobody else to do it. Shit got really real. I was signed off work, a job I loved but eventually left because I just wasn't able to commit to it as much as I was needed. My family had to come first. Around this time, I had news that the Tuscan property I was doing everything to secure had some legal complications attached to it, and as painful as that was I had to let it go. So I went back to the drawing board, picked up the pieces of my life and began building a more sustainable way of working, with flexibility to allow myself the time to equally focus on my family. Despite my best efforts to look after myself, I got sick again. Hospitalised. Complete physical reset on top of the mental one I had just recovered from. Universe was definitely sending me a message. The money I had put aside to buy my castle suddenly became very useful elsewhere, supporting me while I recovered from exhaustion, from surgery, from pneumonia. A marathon of surviving and existing not living. I was grateful for the heavenly support my grandmother had sent me, she kept me and my family alive for a year. In that time I had a lot of headspace to carve a new dream, with a new road and this is where I find myself today. I’m on a new path, recently carved.

I’m letting in some pain, not numbing it. I’m expressing emotions again, warts and all, without fear of what people think. I’m experimenting with a more natural flow of energy, embracing a more organic nutritional journey. I’m going full elemental, embracing the world in all its beauty. Walking at dawn, wild swimming at sunset, eating an apple straight from the tree, feeling my feet in the grass. This might not be a revelation to some, but for this hamster, it feels so amazing to get off the wheel and have some adventures. 

So, now on the horizon, there is a new mountain to conquer. Just like the man brave enough to sweep me off my feet is out there, I truly feel the place I will fall in love with exists already, I just need to be brave and go find it. So this will be the story of that journey and you dear reader have permission to keep me on track and keep accountable,  and when things inevitably get rough, please remind me why.. (from my first text to my ride-or-die bestie when I decided I was going to do this) “I want an adventure of a lifetime, an investment for my kids, a place to help people grow creatively, emotionally, in confidence and in their souls, without all the baggage. A home from home. A space where everyone is welcome and there is always a seat at the table.” 

This is me, unleashing my authenticity and bravado. Living my best life, in a big and bold way. Who knows where this will end up, but I'm guiding myself on my own journey of empathetic encouragement for courage, passion and purpose..which is what I want to offer my clients when the doors open. Practice doesn't make it perfect but it does make things possible. 
I have a rock-solid vision of what I can make this place into. But how on earth do I make that happen? You’re going to have to keep reading to find out...